Thursday, March 11, 2010

InSoMnIa SuCkS

Insomnia - Chronic inability to fall asleep or remain asleep for an adequate length of time. Apparently this can be caused by a number of diseases, disorders, and environmental issues. But what if like me there is nothing 'wrong' other than the fact I can't sleep. I have taken more over the counter sleep aids than anyone else I know and alot of the prescription sleep aids are addictive. I am already addicted to T.V., internet, cigarettes, caffeine and I'm sure a few other things that are slipping my sleep deprived mind right now. So, adding anything else to that list is probably a bad idea. Maybe I'm just not meant to be a sleeper. Or maybe I am putting too much worry into sleeping. Growing up i had a mother who LOVED to sleep. She'd stay up late at night then, sleep until noon and then, later on, take a nap if she could manage it. In turn during the years of my life I lived with my mother she encouraged me to sleep as much as possible and would tell me and other people quite frequently that sleep was one of the best things in the world. I honestly can not give an accurate number of times she told me to enjoy to be able to sleep whenever and however long I could while I was young. While I was young I did just that. I slept ALOT. I went to bed early on school nights when I lived with my grandfather because I wasn't allowed to go out. I stayed up late on weekends with my friends then slept the day away with no worry about it. I slept in class if the feeling struck me and when I got in trouble for it I slept in detention or ISS and if I got suspended for that I slept my sentence away at home. I pretty much slept any chance I got. Then I became an adult and I knew my lazy time was over. After I turned 18 and eventually had to get a job I started sleeping only a few hours a night. There just didn't seem to be enough hours in the day for my new freedom, new friends and new job. While everyone on the outside of my life thought I was getting plenty of sleep I was in fact sleep starved. That lasted almost 5 years. Then my husband got a good job and he told me I could quit working so I thought awesome free days again and a chance to catch up on the sleep that I had been losing. The first few weeks I went to bed when I always had and got up at roughly the same time. Then I discovered internet t.v. and my nights got a bit later and then they progressively got later and later until I was sleeping all day sometimes not seeing sunlight at all. When February of 2009 came around and my then fiance decided it was time to get married i openly invited the challenge to plan our wedding in 6 weeks. I have always been one to want to try to do anything that people thought I couldn't do. I started of the journey with a lot of confidence. But about half way through i realized there was no way I could get everything done unless I could make more hours in the day. A few days later was the first time in years I stayed up all day and all night and all day again. I thought there was no harm in it. That if I did that a few times I could get everything done and change my sleep schedule around too!! Sounded like a good plan. The only problem with that plan is once you stay up like that a few times when you already have sleep problems your body ends up just keeping itself up once you reach a certain point of sleepiness. We have now been married almost a year and I am still going whole nights without sleeping and alot of those nights I stay awake worrying about 1)not getting enough sleep 2) or losing a whole day because I didn't go to sleep until 6 a.m. My new mission now is to figure out how to sleep again during normal night time hours for the 8 hours or so a night I need. I can't help but laugh at the irony of googling insomnia at 6 in the morning after you haven't slept. lol.